I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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