I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
