you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
