party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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