apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
