remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
