Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
