Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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