strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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