my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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