Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
