Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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