I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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