I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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