she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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