Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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