is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
