You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize