my vag is so smooth its legendary
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
