thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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