It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
