I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
