this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
