i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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