Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
