hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
