im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
