So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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