I puked a lego.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
