She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
