he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
