I hope mine doesn't look like that
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
