is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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