im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
