i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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