dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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