mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
