He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
