You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
