If that was your dad, he is hot
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
