im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
God, I missed his penis.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
