After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
