Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
