Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
