i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
