Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
