Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
