Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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