1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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