her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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