I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
