why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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