You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
