Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
