My first STD was from a foam party
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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