You made me cry and you don't even care
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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