i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
