ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
