if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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