1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
