are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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