The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
