paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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