Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
