this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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