I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
