I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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