i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
