there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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