My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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