My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
